NBL25 ETN League Pass Rankings

NBL25 is officially underway.

Now with the Blitz and HoopsFest in the rear view mirror, I have more than enough of a sample size to confidently deliver to you my NBL25 ETN League Pass Rankings.

In the true Bills Simmons and Zach Lowe fashion (IYKYK) these rankings are not ‘Power Rankings’, nor are they based on the actual quality of the team’s play.

They are all to do with the following.

• Watchability

• Star Power

• Home Court Presence

• Aesthetic

• Talkability

All very important things to the average punter that is choosing to spend their night watching NBL action.

10 – Cairns Taipans

Is it bad that the main reason I tune in to see the Cairns Taipans is to watch coach Adam Forde on the sideline?

That bloke has a demanding presence and tremendous facial hair.

You could pretty much say he is the star of the Cairns Taipans.

However, I do like to watch teams that actually play with a point guard and with the current injury situation at the North Queensland club, it doesn’t look like that’ll be changing anytime soon.

Unfortunately, not much to say about the crowd in Cairns, mainly because there’s not many people attending games with the Illawarra Hawks the only team with a lower attendance record.

9 – Southeast Melbourne Phoenix

Well, it looks like the Phoenix addressed their league worst offensive from last year with the additions of Derrick Walton Jnr and Nathan Sobey.

Unfortunately, it looked like it came at the expense of their defence, which just so happened to be the league’s worst last season.

Fantastic to add the star power of the two new backcourt partners, they’re probably the only reason at this point they’re ranked higher than Cairns.

However, it just felt wrong watching Phoenix without Mitch Creek.

He’s one of those players that has you sitting on the edge of you seat and could really do anything. Just ask Delly.

But alas, he’s gone, and unless we see a surprise return it’s going to be interesting to see what happens for Melbourne’s youngest franchise.

I had fun watching Bryce Cotton knock down 8 threes on them if that counts for anything?

I’ll probably tune into a game if they’re going to let opposing stars have those kinds of performances.

8 – Brisbane Bullets

Currently, when I think about the Brisbane Bullets I just think, ‘eh’.

That is not a good thing when it comes to ranking if I actually want to tune in to watch them on a Friday night.

They won the Blitz which is projecting to not always be a good thing.

Going off their opening game against the Breakers, you would not for a second think this was the team that ‘won’ the pre-season.

However, I did thoroughly enjoy watching Keandre Jordan on Saturday. He looked really good with the ball in hand and wasn’t scared to take the biggest shot of the game to nearly pull the Bullets back from the brink.

With more moments like that he may single handedly start pushing Brisbane further up these rankings.

7 – Tasmania JackJumpers

I know, red hot right?

Unfortunately, a collection of departures, injuries and a long pre-season has severely impacted the JJ’s in these rankings (btw, bonus points for being able to properly use an abbreviated version of their name in a sentence).

As they are the champs, I’m going to show them respect where it’s due.

Milton Doyle, yes.

Hard noised defence that makes you want to get off your arse and pick someone up, yes.

A Jordan Crawford eruption, yes.

Will Magnay’s glorious hair, yes.

The Tassie crowd, YES.

However, due to their massive pre-season schedule which resulted in a trip to Singapore before HoopsFest meant the fellas from Tassie just looked a bit off the pace in their season opener.

They had 15 days on the road before they got back to Hobart which to me sounds like one of the worst ways to start your season.

Those may be the only real talking points around the team for NBL25.

Now just watch them go ahead and prove me wrong.

6 – New Zealand Breakers

To me I’m primarily tuning in to see PJC.

Like, why wouldn’t you?

He’d probably yell at you if you weren’t.

The guy is a bucket, trash talker, mean mugger, assassin and floor general all in one. Just ask Sydney from last year's Play-In.

I do get worried, much like what happened in the Bullets game, of what happens when the ball can’t stay in PJC’s hands.

They’re an injury away from probably, no… definitely being 10th in these rankings.

Also, if you’re a fan of soccer and Zinedine Zidane this is the team for you.

5 – Illawarra Hawks

The Illawarra Hawks are bloody big.

Their three-big-man rotation of Sam Froling, Darius Days and Lachie Olbrich is the best in the league (yes, better than Melbourne’s).

In their season opener against Cairns, they combined for 51 of the Hawks 102 points and collected 31 of their 53 rebounds.

They’re so good I reckon we need to come up with an acronym for FOD (taking suggestions).

When Tyler Harvey is playing you always must be ready for a potential magic moment.

Their jerseys at HoopsFest were fantastic and were by far the best of the weekend.

Coach Tatum is fast becoming my favourite coach in the league and has the Hawks offence being an enjoyable watch.

If they do end up being as good as they looked in their first game, expect plenty of chatter around the league about the Hawks.

With teams like United, Kings and Wildcats taking up most of the oxygen, if Illawarra gets another run together and is sitting near the top 3, that’s a feel-good story we could all get around (again).  

4 – Melbourne United

I’ve got to say, it was weird watching United play their season opener with a limited Chris Goulding coming from the bench.

It’s a sight we haven’t seen in a while and something I’m afraid of soon becoming familiar with.

Hopefully, fingers crossed, we get a fairly unhampered Goulding and when paired with a backcourt rotation featuring Delly, Shea Ili and Ian Clark, United will always be a great watch.

The crowd is always on song, especially when Goulding gets going, and their colourways for their uniforms are one of the best in the league.

Jack White will be a great addition and with time will just add to the spectacle that can be a United game.

3 – Adelaide 36ers

While former NBA 6th Man of the Year Montrezl Harrell is on the team the 36ers are always going to be a club on everyone’s lips.

Man, didn’t he bring the hype to HoopsFest. If you were getting tired at the end the weekend, boy, would he have woken you up!

I can’t wait to see how he continues with this Adelaide roster. We may want him to start, but we can’t forget, this is a man who won an award for being the NBA’s best bench player.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he will eventually want to be in that starting-five, but let’s just see how this next 6 weeks roll out.

There’s going to be a lot of hard discussions on whether he jumps in to start this week following Isaac Humphries disappointing game against Sydney compared to Harrell’s 13pt, 13reb and +23 plus/minus display.

You’ve also got DJ Vasilijevic who is becoming a fan favourite and showing his more than just a spot up shooter now he’s been given the keys to a franchise.

Kendrick Davis looks interesting while Sunday Dench and Lat Mayan shot the s**t out of the ball this past Sunday.

I do expect the 36ers to be a part of some high scoring game this year as the backcourt of DJ and Davis couldn’t stop a pen from rolling off a table, but they will rack up the points with the ball.

The Adelaide crowd is always pumping and love their 36ers as they have the 3rd highest attendance in the league.

2 – Perth Wildcats

I don’t think I really need to say much about Perth or expand with any great detail.

I’ll just keep it simple.

Bryce Cotton.

Keanu Pinder.

The Red Army.

The jerseys.

Oh, and Bryce Cotton.

1 – Sydney Kings

Where to start with the Sydney Kings.

They’ve got stars for days!

Two happen to be former MVP’s in Xavier Cooks and Jaylen Adams, another is a highlight machine in Cam Oliver, they have a future NBA player in Alex Toohey and the leagues best defender and Kevin Durant’s new favourite player in Bul Kuol.

They have the former Boomers coach in Brian Goorjan who had the team playing at a breakneck pace that was oh so enjoyable to watch (when it was going well).

They underperformed last season and have gone and spent HUGE, which is just a content creators dream.

On paper, the Kings have by far and away the best team which also comes with the weight of massive expectations.

They NBL's largest crowd is going to be loud one way or another. It just depends if it's going to be cheers or jeers.

When it looks like a team are about to undertake a ‘Championship or Bust’ type season, you have to tune in!

P.S. They do need to suss out the jersey they wore at HoopsFest. They were trending more in the direction of late 2000’s/early 2010’s Sacramento Kings jerseys. That just ain’t it,